Usually I have a systematic way of writing. I make an outline, I then move sentences around to make them fit, etc. Most of the time it feels very mechanical and choppy. I don’t feel the “creative juices” flowing and I feel constricted to the material I wrote on paper. This one will be a little different. I’m free typing what comes to my mind, I’ll make edits afterward, and make sure everything flows together. So, I encourage my readers to reach out for feedback regarding how this article came out.
I became inspired to write about acceptance and forgiveness after a discussion I had with a supervisor. Without going into much personal details, she and I had a very reflective conversation. While speaking out loud my personal feelings I revealed a lot of information that I thought I had accepted however, I had not. As therapeutic as this is for me, I hope it is the same for you.
Why is acceptance important?
Acceptance is when you tolerate something, someone, a circumstance and then move forward. The importance of moving forward should be emphasized here. We cannot move forward with our lives if we keep looking back at the situation that caused a lot of grievous feelings. We cannot move forward towards personal improvement if we keep looking back at someone who draws out a lot of mixed feelings too. We cannot hold them responsible for those feelings that they invoke in us either. The therapeutic forms of acceptance are seen in individuals who have undergone a very damaging circumstance and further progressed in their life. They inspire us to continue to work harder to make our own personal achievements reality, and therein are granted a mentor status in chapters of our books.
This is also followed by forgiveness.
Why is forgiveness important?
It is not enough to accept the situation or thing that has caused a problematic response in your personal life. The key to truly accepting and moving forward is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for getting involved in a situation that caused this end result. Forgive the person that made the decision to rub you the wrong way. Forgive those around you for belittling you or not having faith in you. Forgive your friends for talking about how you will burn yourself out or not understanding your point of view. Through forgiveness, your world will be a little lighter, and a little brighter.
It takes a lot for you to hold on to bad feelings like envy, hate, sadness, anger, frustration. Forgiveness is about helping you get through the ordeal and giving yourself time to heal. Then we are able to clearly self evaluate and prevent the situation from reappearing. We can take a look at our behaviors that made the situation implode. I use the word implode because more likely, the situation has not effected the other individual as much as it effected you. Some signs of an implosion are inability to focus, increased sleepiness, and feelings of emptiness or sadness. Forgive yourself, just as much as you are forgiving the other person.
This does not mean that you and the other person are now BFFs and stuff. It just means that you accepted and forgave. Sometimes the individual may be so toxic that it is best that you cut your losses and continue to grow. You have now have evolved just because you went through what you went through. Now you know the signs of a toxic relationship and can deter the situation before it becomes extreme.
Moving on can be a difficult task if acceptance and forgiveness has not been properly achieved. You will always be looking for signs of the past, and you will carry those difficult emotions with you to the next situation. You will essentially become the problem. This is no good. It is also a clear sign that you have not forgiven yourself yet.
Once you have undergone acceptance and forgiveness, you will move on. It will be like breathing, easy to get to your goals and successes. You know when you have gotten to this developmental state when your life becomes focused on those you love, and the success of others as well as yourself.
In this current decade that we live in, we are always pushed to test the boundaries. I think in just about every social media platform, commercial, and TV show it’s loud and in your face. Most of society now has a very selfish mindset. “Do what makes you feel good,” or “treat yourself.” I don’t know. I guess I’m still clinging to the old ways in which having personal values are more extravagant then outliving the next person. Although acceptance and forgiveness is about personal improvement, don’t forget to take care of those who truly love you, and whom you truly love. Thank you.
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Yaritza Ellison has been an nurse since 2010. She has been essential to the healing process of many and seeks to continue to do so. Her passion for mental health and self help literature has lead her to launch justyari.org, where she aspires to coach young ladies navigating through work-life balance.