This week, I started to write a post about how to make yourself more trustworthy. For a few reasons, my heart was not into it.
First and foremost, one of the reasons why I didn’t choose not to finish the post was because I really have a hard time trusting people. I was never like that, and I could write SEVERAL articles on why, but who needs a pity party? Moreover, who wants to read about someone who is self loathing?
We all end up getting hurt. It’s just a part of life. We all are broken and trying to find our way in the world. Show me a person who has gone throughout their life without a little bit of pain, and I will show you someone who lies. However, some of us have more pain than others. Some of us break in ways that we never thought a human could break. And some of those very same broken individuals, become some of the world’s greatest.
The human capacity to withstand pain and heartache has always fascinated me. I cannot tell you why. I always wanted to know how our minds are able to recuperate from traumatic experiences and how deeply it could affect an individual. I didn’t know that it correlated directly with human behavior until I myself experienced an ounce of that pain.
Well let’s take that back. I did have an idea that psychological pain would correlate with behavior, I just didn’t know to what extent.
When that was revealed to me (cause the universe is always listening and will respond with your deepest desires) I understood that there are somethings that I could never understand. Nor should I wish to understand. The saying “ignorance is bliss,” was mostly certainly created by someone who realized that sometimes, we should not stick our necks into things that should’ve been left alone.
It’s almost like when you go down the YouTube rabbit hole, or any other social platform rabbit hole. You watch one video and end up being enticed by the algorithm that puts “like” clips in your newsfeed. Before you know it you are 3 hours deep with household chores that have not been done and you have to cook dinner.
I have always been curious as to why people behave the way they do. I have never really focused on myself, or took the time to understand myself. I guess that would be because I always saw myself as a little misfit who could never seem to have meaningful relationships. The meaningful relationships I did acquire were always with individuals who did not value my efforts.
For a time, I felt as though I was always looking to see how these individuals were doing without them so much as giving a second thought about how I was. I would reach out constantly and after a while I would feel like a nuisance in their lives. Once I start feeling like that, I back away. Sometimes completely.
The more interactions I had with people, the more I realized that about 80% of people do not want to hear about how you are doing. They just want to be heard. So that is exactly what I did. I listened without speaking. And when I did speak, it was to pry them to speak more about themselves. This made me extremely “likable.” Just solely on the point of not revealing my opinion or thoughts.
Being the perfect “hype man'' does have its benefits. However, it makes people attracted to the idea of who they perceive you to be. When in all actuality, they don’t know a single thing about you. They just like the feeling that you give them. The feeling of being accepted despite their flaws, and of being heard without them putting too much effort. While this may be fulfilling, it has the ability to get annoying and may leave you feeling under appreciated.
It wasn’t until I found my self worth that I gave this image up. In doing so, I lost a lot of “friends” that I gave a lot of time to who did not bother to think outside themselves. Being broken does not give you the excuse to treat others as if they are lesser than you, just so you can feel superior. I find that a lot of females find friends that keep them feeling comfortably superior.
They stick to other females who are less attractive than they are. They may befriend a girl who looks for advice because this puts them in a position of “superior intellect.” Either which way you slice it, the idea behind this type of relationship is the same. The female in question feels inferior in her own skin, so she seeks to pacify these feelings by surrounding herself around things that reassure her she is not.
That is why I have such deep trust issues.
I reflect a lot on why I am the way I am now. I reflect a lot about how the world around me has influenced me, my current thoughts, and behavior. Although I now understand so much (probably more than I should) about others, I truly struggle in understanding myself.
This year I vowed to make this blog about trust. Moreso about my journey back to trusting others, and trusting myself in the process. Which is why I gave up the post I started and began this one.
How can I write advice on how to trust others when I struggle with it myself? It felt hypocritical. I feel that to better service my readers, I come to terms with the fact that I find it hard to trust others have good intentions, and to believe that the world isn’t so ugly. I also think that I am not alone.
You can take a look around you and see the level of distrust a lot of people have is pretty high. They distrust relationships, both intimate and not. Employees distrust their employers to do what is right for their well being, instead of what is right for their wallet. People distrust their government to have the well being of their citizens in their forefront. What’s worst, most of all, is that while all this distrust is happening, we are hurting, just longing for the time when someone just listened and understood.
Have you ever felt under valued in a relationship? Why or why not? Have you ever mistrusted, to the point that it severed a relationship? Leave your thoughts and experiences below. I would love to interact with you.
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Yaritza Ellison has been an nurse since 2010. She has been essential to the healing process of many and seeks to continue to do so. Her passion for mental health and self help literature has lead her to launch justyari.org, where she aspires to coach young ladies navigating through work-life balance.