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This past Sunday, I was able to connect with men that have achieved the goals that they set out for themselves. It was one of the most stimulating conversations I have had in a long time with some truly genuine and remarkable individuals. They have, in my eyes, have found their path for true success and happiness. In that same vein, they have also expressed some of the less appealing repercussions that they had to face when they finally reached their end goals. These are some of the less talked about things that most people often come into contact with when they do achieve their goals. The unfortunate reality is that it has become more and more prevalent in today’s society. It is the very reason why stars become victims to their success. Without a healthy set of coping mechanisms and a trusting support system, they turn to things like drugs to numb the pain and loneliness. Here are just 7 repercussions that you may encounter once your hard work begins to pay off. #1 You are envied Consider this. You have worked hard all your life to master your skill in a sport. You have put countless hours in training, obsessing on every aspect of the game in order to become the best. You sacrificed time, money, and a whole lot of potential partying in order to achieve success because you have genuine passion for the craft. Chances are that if you did all this over 10 years you have become an expert. That no matter which team you are drafted in you bring the magic that is you to it. It is the magic that you slowly gathered through hard work and dedication. Now imagine that people hate you for it. This is what happens to those people who achieve this level of success. The funky thing about this envy that you have gained is that people do not like to recognize their envy. They say things like “I don’t like him because he whines,” or “I don’t know why he got so upset, what’s wrong with him.” Envy is one of those feelings that we all like to think we don’t have. It’s the reason why you get negative feelings when your friend gets the promotion over you. Or the thing that you swallow when you see the progress that a new business has had during a pandemic while yours struggle. Understand that if you achieve true success and are genuinely happy, chances are that envy will follow you and there is nothing that you can do to detour it. The sources will come from the most unlikely places. Family, friends, co- workers, etc. This is the very reason why a lot of people have a large thick wall built around them. Overcoming envy: In order to overcome envy, you should gain friendships and connections prior to your success. Although this may increase the likelihood of jealousy, this also does give you some leverage. There is strength in numbers. When a situation arises where envy is present, shed the brightest possible light that you can to it. Make it known that there was nothing in particular that you have done to cross the person. The worst thing you can do to an envious human is to bring attention to their unruly behavior and patterns. Their routine will get old very quickly. #2 You are targeted/discredited I had a” friend” who I went painting with. While painting, I told her personal details about my entry into nursing. A year later, we both applied for a promotion to which I got. Our relationship was never the same. More recently, she integrated some details of my struggles in nursing into her own, making it her own. I would never suspect this individual of stooping to this level, but nevertheless she did. How did I take it? At the time I didn’t give it too much thought and proceeded with the meeting as usual. Later, I allowed myself to get angry, and upset. People who have worked hard fear their work will be discredited or downsized due to individuals who do not put the effort to achieving the heights that they have. Some people actually feel that others who just jump into the field that they have been in and have natural gifts should not receive an iota of credit for their natural gifts when they have worked so hard to become mediocre. Overcoming: Understand that this happens to all of us. Take comfort in knowing that these types of problems have been faced and conquered by others before you. Find a support system to keep you in line. Do not allow your anger to spill over and become evident. This is the reaction that they want to draw out of you. So when you become emotional or passionate, they can make you out to be the problem. Get angry, cry, and scream in private. Being targeted because of your success is something that will always be there. It should not discourage you from your present course. Stay on the path and you will gain more allies if you are in fact as good as you think you are. #3 You are cast out If you work in an environment that promotes competition, and are nowhere near having this be of value to you, then chances are that you will be cast out. You will be subjected to isolation by your peers because you don’t go with the cultural norm and are considered a misfit. Although there may be some relief in this, it is indeed a very dangerous thing to be isolated from the crowd. First, by isolating yourself or allowing yourself to be isolated, you easily become a target. This opens you up to a lot of passive aggressive behavior from others. Second, you have a decreased chance of making highly important allies. You should consider this greatly. Gaining allies is a remarkable resource. They help back you when your moral character is under attack, and are able to bail you out of sticky situations at a moments notice. Remember, there is strength in numbers. Third and finally, isolation can be detrimental to your mental health. 2020 has shown us a lot about human nature. One of them is that there is a deep rooted need inside everyone of us to feel connected to others. Overcoming: In order to protect your allies, create them in private away from the public eye. There should never be a paper trail or even a hint of who you are aligned with. Allies are one of the greatest resources you have. There should never be a reason so great that their identity be unfolded. Gain their counsel in private and maintain their relationship. Make sure to continue to foster it as you would when nurturing a child. #4 You begin to suspect everyone of ulterior motives This may be the very reason why in 2018, I decided to make a blog. It also maybe the reason why I choose wine over dealing with people at times as well. One is a healthy outlet, the other- not so much. If you are suspicious by nature, you are tenfold more apt to severely suspect others of ulterior motives. This is due to your past history of working with envious individuals that come from out of seemingly nowhere. This could also be manifested from your own personal relationships, where you have been betrayed by someone you loved and cherished. The fact that the relationship was toxic hurt more because you were unknowingly compliant with it. Consider this, more and more people who have become famous or successful manage family members who have their hands out for their hard earned income. They see their success, and feel they are owed a portion of it for either raising them or because they are blood related. Without a check and balance system, you will begin to isolate yourself. And we all know what happens when you do. Overcoming: In order to prevent suspecting everyone of everything, you need to set up a board of people that will keep you aligned to your goals. You can be honest or open with them, or you can use people who you feel can help you keep your ego in check. Just as people who align themselves against you think they are hurting you, they are actually benefiting you too. There is one quote that comes to mind as I write this. “Use your enemies more so than you would your friends,” or something like that. Those who are envious of you can temper your ego and keep you in top shape for the next attack. Whether it be from them or a new source. If you are more of the bootstrapping type, you can use their behavioral patterns to further gauge whether they are indeed a friend or foe. Don’t ignore the facial expressions they give when you are sharing good news. Don’t ignore that nagging feeling that you get if they continuously correct you and call it critiquing. Trust your gut, unless you ate a bad burrito from a bodega. #5 You become discouraged I mean, who wouldn’t be discouraged when you have to deal with these situations everyday?! Not only are you dealing with exterior forces saying that you aren’t good enough to have the success that you have, you are also dealing with your own self doubt. There is not one person in this universe who does not deal with self doubt. The thing is that some do not succumb to it. Overcoming: Having a support system is the best way to overcome melancholy moods and feelings of discouragement. Your support system should be a group of people that you can trust, preferably removed from the situation that you are currently in. You should also take up a distraction away from work. For me, the most therapeutic thing I can do when I become discouraged from any situation at work is to write. Not only am I helping you all overcome these situations, but I am giving myself my own advice in the process. Look for healthy distractions that are beneficial to you and your well being. When I was younger, if I became discouraged at work I would work at another job. I literally had 2 jobs for 80% of my adult life. Seeing the benefits from my labor was more therapeutic to me than sitting around and stewing on things that I could not change. #6 You don’t know who to trust Not knowing who to trust could be such a grave step to your success. It could back slide you to failure if you are not careful. With so many people coming at you from every direction, it is natural for anyone in this position to not know who to trust. This usually comes hand in hand with suspecting everyone of ulterior motives. While this can also lead to isolation, you can also use this to your benefit. Overcoming: Earlier I mentioned this quote, “Use your enemies more so than you would your friends.” Using this perspective could definitely benefit your actions here. Understand that without people or circumstances that are difficult, there would never be character development in stories. There will never be strength in folks that never had to lift a finger, and there will never be the brightest minds in our country without challenges to overcome.Difficult circumstances require some form of creative thinking. Not knowing who to trust keeps you aware of your surroundings. And just like the animal who lets their guard down is an easy prey to a carnivore, you will fall victim to an attack. #7 Your circle becomes smaller More and more I have seen this become a positive attribute to have on social media. We have become a culture of having a few choice friends and canceling out the rest of individuals who do not fall in line with our view of what a friend should be. And who is mad at that? Who can blame a highly successful individual who is not living check to check for protecting their investment in themselves? Why not have only 3 selected individuals to serve as your main councel you can discuss ideas with, respectfully disagree with, and have a great time with? As you can tell, I’m pro this particular repercussion of success, but there are downsides that we all should be aware of. The first is that we end up getting too comfy with people that are around us and are therefore prone to times where we could potentially be disrespected. When this happens, some of us who deal with individuals who are envious daily will take the slight as a high form of injury to our ego because it’s coming from a friend that we trusted. Second, your smaller circle is not immune to envious feelings. If they feel small or insignificant to your success as you achieve every milestone, then chances are that they are harboring some form of envy that will increase in size as it goes along. Overcoming: Do not close yourself off to having meaningful relationships with people. In our basic human form, we all need to feel connected and included. There is more to life than fighting the good fight every day. You will exhaust yourself if you solely do this. Being aware and in the moment when you are with these folks is key to not falling victim of some form of backstabbing. Understand that relationships change daily. What someone thought was a joke today, might think it’s offensive tomorrow. The purpose of this article is not to detour you from your success. It’s actually quite the opposite. I want to see us all succeed in what we put our mind to. This article is meant for you to be aware that with success, there comes a set of unforeseen set of problems that most people don’t know about or chose to ignore. It’s time that we all put our big boots on, get to work, and achieve that success that we all want. And now you can do so with more awareness. Previous Article...
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This was a speech that I wrote for club that I am. I figured that it would be nice to read something inspiring and uplifting. I hope you guys enjoy! If there is anything that I can tell this group of amazing individuals this evening is that life turns us in multiple directions without warning. That doesn’t mean that we should hide our heads under the covers in fear, it means that there will alway be a first time for everything. A lifetime of firsts that we all should embrace. There is no need to worry when your first might come. It will when you are in the right place, and at the right time. Like choking on a strawberry, or slipping on ice on your way to school, firsts will always be there. I will never forget the first time that I drove over a median on the road and the car was vertical for just a minute. We were fine! No one was hurt. We just took an unexpected vertical ride for a short minute. Or two. It was a nice change to our normal routine. My husband seemed to liven up shortly after. Allow me to share our family’s favorite story of firsts which is a story about my daughters. It was a beautiful day in early spring, and I decided that it was a great day for a trip to the park. I packed my daughter’s into our car, and rode to the park with them. They were excited to get out of the house. When we got to the park they could hardly contain their excitement. Both jumped out of the car in an instant, running everywhere, and nowhere at the same time. The park had a big yellow tunnel slide, a set of swing sets, monkey bars, and the ground was lined with wood chips. Being the ever so careful young mom that I was, I chose to sit in a spot where I could keep them in clear view and within earshot. I watched them both with so much love as they continued to play well into the afternoon. During this time, children came and went. One little girl took interest in my daughters. They played and rode down the big yellow tunnel slide. Their excited little voices could be heard for miles as they went down that big yellow tunnel slide. It wasn’t until there was a small argument on who would go down first that things began to take a turn. My middle child, Samira, came down the slide first and landed on a bed of wood chips. As she was getting up, the little girl jumped out from behind the slide with a handful of wood chips. She flung that handful of wood chips in Samria’s hair! Samira began to cry. Her small face had tears running down it as her big sister came to comfort her. It was so nice to watch the two girls at that moment, one comforting, the other wiping the tears from her face. Then, as my older daughter was taking out the wood chips from Samira’s hair, I heard Samira take a deep inhale. “Let’s get her.” I watched horrified as both girls took off behind the little girl who was now by the monkey bars. One sister knocked the girl down and sat on her, while the other crouched down by her head. Samira poured, and poured all the wood chips her little hands could gather onto the girl’s head. The little girl was crying, and screaming. She was shaking her head from side to side trying to get the wood chips away from her face. But, the more she screamed, the more wood chips would fall in the little girl’s mouth. What was I to do? I pulled my daughters off that little girl that was screaming. With one tucked under each of my arms, I quickly walked to my car and put both of the girls in their seats. I got into the driver’s seat and took off, never looking back at the park. That was the first time I broke up a fight. It was the first time I watched the girls comfort one another. It was the first time I saw how deep their bond went. It was the first time they worked as a team. It was the first time Samira stood up for herself and it was the first time I witnessed the courage of a 3 and 5 year old. How many times in our lifetimes have we been afraid of our firsts? How many times have we tried to avoid our firsts? Without our firsts there would not be amazing stories to tell. We would not be able to learn how much courage or strength we really have. We would not be able to grow stronger once that first time has passed. Every first comes with lessons. The first time I broke up a fight I learned that my daughters are not to be messed with. The first time I drove over that median, I realized my glasses were important. The first time I fell on ice on my way to school I realized that I could not rush through anything to get to my end goal. The first time my son choked on a strawberry, he learned to be wary of a person telling a joke at the dinner table. It is my sincere hope that everyone who listens here tonight has a lifetime of firsts. I hope that we all wake up every morning to throw those covers off our heads. I hope we all embrace those firsts with the courage and strength that we gained from our last firsts. Tonight, please join me in celebrating one of my firsts- Writing and delivering a humorous speech for Toastmasters. Thank you. The Previous Article... |
AuthorYaritza Ellison has been an nurse since 2010. She has been essential to the healing process of many and seeks to continue to do so. Her passion for mental health and self help literature has lead her to launch justyari.org, where she aspires to coach young ladies navigating through work-life balance. Categories
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