​Initially when I first started to write this blog post, I thought of a colleague of mine who I like to talk to. She’s an amazing person- smart, intuitive, and fun to talk to. 

One night while we were working together, she and I were talking about a scenario that happened earlier that day. Her analysis of the situation was “You should always remember that people at work are not there to be your friends.” 

This statement stuck with me and for many reasons. The first reason was because it gave me insight as to her train of thought. And the second was because it made me think from a different perspective. 

Is the growing masses thinking in this manner? The more research I did, the more I came to realize that this was so. The majority of my social media contacts have expressed at some point or another a problem with a co-worker or boss, and the online groups that I have entered to gain insight have reflected complete discontent with their bosses or superiors. 

This has been attributed to The Great Resignation, where a large number of people effectively resigned from their jobs and started new jobs or new careers entirely. 

The consistent problem that I find is this: No matter where you decide to make your cash, you will still need to come into contact with other people. You will still need to collaborate with others at times in order to get tasks done effectively and efficiently. For such cases, you may want to consider these 6 tips to building trust at work.

#1 Get to know your co-workers
Sometimes the best way to start an effective dialogue with a co-worker is to not do so in the beginning. This first tip speaks to observation of your work culture and what type of atmosphere you walked into. Especially if you are new to the environment.

Work culture is extremely important. In order to fit in, you must blend in. In observing interactions between different people at work, you will be able to better understand which communication style resonates most with those you work with. 

Observe what makes others upset and how their reactions are. Doing so will give you great information on individuals and their character. Do you observe the same set of individuals speak in a hostile manner consistently? You should reconsider beginning a work relationship with them in the first place. Do you observe that the majority of the staff is on time and passionate about their work? Then the ground is a fertile foundation for building trust.

#2 Establish Rapport
After the assessment of your surroundings, you should make contact with people. Start slowly with greetings and then gradually increase to small talk and deeper conversations. Allow for those around you to slowly approach you. 

Effective communication is one of the most important ways of building rapport with others. Good communication has 2 important elements- speaking clearly to get your point across, and listening intently to the individual as they return feedback on the thought you expressed. 

So many times when we think of listening do we automatically envision the use of ears. Listening fully to the individual includes what my husband calls “reading the room.” We have to attune ourselves to the feel of the individual we are engaged in conversation with. We do this by reading body language, listening to their tone and language use. 

#3 Be Reliable: Say what you are going to do- and do it
Did you know that when your new employer checks your references, one of the questions that they ask is “Was she/he/they reliable?” 

Reliability in an individual is highly valued. Not just by the people you work for but by your peers as well. Most people will disengage from any relationship if they do not see consistency from the opposing party. This is true with intimate relationships, familial relationships, and other social settings.

Make no mistake- a workplace is a social setting. Most of us suffered through the pandemic when we were out of work and had to find ways to connect with others from the comfort of our own home. If you switched to remote- there was the added stress of finding ways to connect and get your point across while working with technology. 

If you do not connect well with other people in any work group setting, you are more likely to leave to find another group to connect with. Reliability helps us to connect with others for 2 different reasons: 

It helps build a pattern of consistency and familiarity which can bring comfort to those around us
It allows you to be seen as approachable. How many times have you approached someone who was inconsistent with moods, or work ethic for help? Chances are very little to none.

Practicing reliability may be easier than you think. Showing up to work on time, helping when asked, and creating a routine for workflow can both show reliability and have a positive effect on your efficiency at work. In doing so, your co-workers will slowly begin to trust you with small, menial tasks. Which in turn will graduate to larger, and more important projects.

#4 Share personal experiences that connect deeply
If sharing personal feelings, thoughts, interests, and experiences make you want to run screaming, then that is a sign that you should be doing more of it. 

When we think of sharing things that matter to us, it can be a little scary. We observe the anxiety that it stirs in young children when they are forced to share with others. We may feel it at the pit of our stomachs whenever someone we love spends time with others. It’s the reason why social media has taken a nasty turn for the worse. This is seen in people trying to show off living a better lifestyle than the next individual they follow. Ultimately, at the core of our being, sharing personal experiences is one of the best ways to connect and build trust with another person. 

When you connect with someone, building trust is much easier to do. When you share something personal, you make an opening on the exterior shell of a person which helps them get to know you a little better. Not the you that you present to the world, but the real you. The you that cares deep inside, the you that takes the things you love seriously.

Sure, getting this intimate can leave you feeling vulnerable. However, life is not worth living without taking certain risks. And one of them is opening up to new experiences and relationships. What better way is there to do both?

Now I’m not saying that the moment you meet someone you should share your life’s story. However, if you are using this tactic to get to know someone and build trust with them, then you should go slow. At your interview when you first got your job, the person conducting it let you do 80% of the talking. Consider doing the same when you communicate with the person that you would like to share personal details with. 

Let them speak, and then see if there was a situation that was similar to theirs that you have gone through that made you feel the same way. How was that circumstance similar? How did it make you feel at the time? Did you do anything to make this event come out in your favor? 

When you ask yourself these questions, you allow yourself to emphasize with the other person. Again, I’m not saying that doing this initially will be easy. However, this will make you become more trustworthy as the relationship progresses. 

#5 Go easy- it’s not all about the job
There is a running joke at my house. It revolves around the fact that at one point, I was extremely laser focused on my profession. All 3 of my now teenagers poke fun and laugh about it. I enjoy it so much because it helps keep me grounded to what is really important. 
It is so easy to let everything slip away and become so intent on the job at hand. Don’t fall into that trap. Yes the job is important, however, it is not WHO you ARE. Do not make the mistake of confusing your profession for who you are as a person. 

Yes, work is important in order to provide for your family. However, it is more important to establish connections and trust at work (and out of work). Connections keep us grounded and are important for our mental health. There is no reason to ignore it.

#6 Be consistent.
Consistency, by far, has been regarded as a habit of the successful. If you eat a salad today, but eat like crap for the rest of the week, you will not lose any weight or become any healthier. 

This is the same with building trust. You cannot assume that now that you have gained a person’s trust that they will continuously trust you no matter what happens. Like all relationships, trust requires you to consistently work on it. It takes time and effort to build and keep the trust of your co-workers. 

Create a routined schedule to keep you accountable. If you fall off the schedule once, it is okay. However, make sure to refocus on being there for your team when needed. Be honest with your self evaluations and make time to regularly check in on those who are important to you at work. Foster those relationships to make your workplace more fulfilling and fruitful.

Conclusion
Building trust with colleagues does not have to require you to go to extravagant lengths. It also does not require you to be completely naive either. Even in the most competitive atmosphere you are able to build trust. You just have to be able to understand that building trust is not equal to building a friendship. The type of work relationship that you should be aiming for is a synergistic working type, in which connecting with others allows for the team to be successful at goals and milestones. 

Allow yourself to trust others at work. And trust yourself to know that whatever the challenges ahead, you are able to conquer them. 

We all know that family can be tricky at times. Most of us have encountered situations in which family have betrayed us or hurt us in ways we did not think were possible.

And it sucked.

It sucked because we were not expecting that from someone who is meant to love and protect us for the remainder of our lives. It also hurt more because it was so unexpected, and quite possibly because we would never think to do it to them. 

Although at present most of us have adopted a “cancel culture” when it comes to these things, you may want to try to salvage the trusting relationship you had before completely cutting a person out of your life. For that, I have 9 tips for you to consider. 

Be honest and sincere
I have a family member who enjoys making mountains out of ant hills. She over exaggerates every story that she tells in order to amplify how terrible or how great things are. Her motive behind her actions are for various reasons (attention, or forcing you to act in the way that she wants), however, the end result is exactly the opposite. About 100% of every other family member veers away from her quickly, and they do not seek her out under any circumstance. She therefore becomes lonely, depressed, and more desperate for new stories and content. 

This is so sad to watch because if she was honest and sincere in the first place, we would not avoid her like the plague. Moreover, the younger generation that we have created in the family sees right through all her lies and attempts at manipulation. Actively being shunned or cast away from an inner circle hurts. It is not made easy when family cannot trust the words that you are speaking.

Speak honestly and openly about what concerns you. If you have a caring family, they will listen. Express your words with sincerity. You may think that this is easy to do, but I guarantee you someone out there falls in the category of a person that I just mentioned, and it may be hard to break the habit.

Let them talk
Most of us cut into conversations, not allowing another person to voice their full thought- and we don’t even realize it. I know I have done this a few times in the past and felt extremely bad once it was brought to my attention.

Make a conscious effort to allow the other person to speak and let them finish their thought before interjecting. Prior to interacting with others, especially a difficult family member, take a moment to recognize why that person is difficult to speak to. 

Do they say things that trigger a type of emotion in you? Is it usually anger, frustration, or rage? If you can pinpoint behaviors that trigger any type of negative emotion in you then you can think of constructive ways to avoid or confront them. 

What will you do next time that person says that? How can you let them know what they are saying is affecting you in this way respectfully? 

This type of self analysis allows for personal growth. You are able to observe yourself in that moment and think of creative ways to break the habit of interjecting.

Listen while they talk
Communication is more than just the words that you speak. It involves the total experience. When you listen to someone speak, listen to their tone of voice, the facial muscles they use, the body posture that they are using. 

You gain a lot of insight into your family members when you watch them as they speak. They may be verbally describing a situation in which they were happy, however their facial expression may exhibit signs of discontent.

This does not mean that you must totally discredit someone’s words. Their use of words reflect a lot of information as well. When they speak, they may be repeating a rhythm or sound that they have heard before. There have been times in which I was able to pinpoint where the individual got this information they were repeating just by the rhythm and use of words. 

Effective listening is a skill that you can take into any conversation, with any relationship that you may encounter. When you are interacting with an individual who has mastered this level of listening, you can tell. Not only do you feel like your thoughts and feelings have been respected and heard, but you leave the conversation feeling as though you have fully had a great experience with that person. Wouldn’t you want to convey that feeling to a family member that you love?

Respect their individuality
You are not going to agree with everyone every time they open their mouth. That is okay. However, that does not mean that you should completely shut yourself off from the outside world.

Allow yourself to accept that people have differing opinions. In doing so, you will be able to listen to someone without getting drawn into a certain thought process or belief. 

This is an empowering exercise for most people. You don’t have to conform to other people’s thought processes. Most of us are celebrating our individuality. And that is great! I love seeing that. However, we become more and more closed minded when it comes to others that don’t conform to how we think. If you want to salvage a relationship with a family member who has a differing way of thinking, you must first accept and respect that they are who they are without trying to conform them.

Do not impose your thoughts or values on them
If there is anything that drives me nuts about family is that they think they have every right to force their actions, thoughts, or words on you. Hear me well, you cannot force anyone to believe what you believe. You cannot force anyone to behave in a certain manner. 

I truly admire those people who do not allow anyone or anything to get in their way of their success. However, you cannot have that same mentality when it comes to personal relationships. In order to have a trusting and loving relationship with family members, you will have to recognize that any form of manipulation on your part will sever the relationship beyond repair.

The same family member that I spoke of earlier has effectively severed a lot of her family ties in doing this. Once a person sees through your actions and your intent at manipulation, they are going to think that everything you do is to force them into doing something for you. No one wants to interact with anyone like that. 

Create memorable experiences
There is something to be said about doing something for the first time with someone you love. It builds the relationship in a way that cannot be described. The shared connection that happens is really special and intriguing. You not only open yourself up to the experience but also to the other person. 

When you do not impose your thoughts or values on a family member and respect them for who they are while building trust, you are able to find shared interests and perhaps something that you both would like to do but have never gotten around to it. This is the perfect opportunity to do it together!

Spending time together is an effective way of getting closer to someone that you care about, whether it be a family member or any other type of relationship. Making a deeper connection with someone gives your life meaning and adds value to who you are as a person. We are meant to connect with others. So do so in a way that is positive and enlightening to both you and the other person.  

Draw them in by appealing to their likes
Building trust with a family member requires you to spend time and find similarities that you and the person can align with. Similarities in character often draw you into another person and similarities in taste often allow you to become closer and more attune with each other. 

If building trust and a strong relationship with a family member is your end goal, you should consider getting to know the person and finding things that both attract and entice you to them. You can amplify this by inviting them to activities that both of you enjoy.

Appealing to their likes does not have to be totally about them. There is a person I meant that was so focused on what they are doing for the other person, but was completely oblivious to how it was benefiting him. Understand that every situation has a win behind it. Whether the outcome was great or horrible- you can still LEARN from each event, and grow from it. The lessons learned can be moved into another situation. The outcome, in time, will become favorable to you.

Do not be easily fooled (Call them out on what they are doing)
Most of us go throughout the day thinking that we did everything that we could to be a “good person.” Chances are that at some point or another you unintentionally did or said something that may have been less than favorable to someone else.

Catching yourself in this circumstance may be more difficult than pinpointing when another person does something that displeases you. This is especially true with family members. Do not allow another person to simply violate your principles. Do not allow it to go unnoticed, call it to their attention. Chances are that most of the time they did not realize that they somehow upset you. 

The key to calling a family member out on their behavior that causes a riff in your relationship is the approach you take. Allow yourself to calm down and talk to them without letting your anger get the best of you. Keep your mind in the present and the message that you are trying to convey. Speak in an even tone- and discuss how the action made you feel.

If all else fails- Let them go.
After a discussion with a family member about their actions happens, watch for a change in their behavior. If nothing changes, then consider cutting ties or taking a break from the individual for a little while.

Although you may have tried to salvage the relationship a few times, the truth is that sometimes distance is what is needed for both you and the other person. You are not meant to break your values and goals if they indeed are beneficial to you. If the other person does not see how they are hurting you or respect you for the individual you are then taking a break may be the only option. 

This is not to say that you cannot try again to salvage the relationship. As we all know- we humans have emotions and flaws that are ever changing. The timing to build trust may not be right, and there is nothing preventing you from coming back to regain that relationship in the future. 

Bringing it all together
Family can be extremely stressful at times but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Take a conscious step toward rebuilding trust and strength in a relationship that seems weak. Remember that any relationship requires nurturing and consistency on both parts. Relationships are fragile, requiring attention, respect, and servitude. 

Have you ever had a strenuous relationship with a family member? Were you able to resolve your differences or is it still a difficult subject to speak on? Leave a comment below to share your experience!